Ok...

How are you? That is the question of the day, hour, minute, and second. I am..... OK. I am not good but I am not bad. I have good days, bad days, really good days, and really bad days! So, I'm ok! I miss Brian more than words can express and I don't think that will ever change. Actually I hope it doesn't . I hope I always miss him!

I started back to work on Monday. Although it might seem soon to some, it was the right thing to do. Last week I didn't work and I quickly found out that unfortunately life goes on. Bryn and my mom went back to work and I found myself just sitting because it does go on. I have not decided if I think this is a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes I would like to for everything and everybody to stop and and just cry with me, but then I think of what Brian would want. He would not want me to crash and crawl in a hole. He would want me to be strong and brave just like he was. So I am trying to make him proud! I am back at work and strangely it is the same as when I left. I am the only thing that has changed! I do have to say those sweet third graders were incredibly excited to see me! I have never received so many compliments and hugs! They did make me smile! The minutes and hours seem to pass by a little faster at school. I have a feeling those sweet and innocent faces are going to prove to be free therapy as the year progresses.

Right now I am just wanting to spend some time alone. My friends have all been so nice to call, text, and stop by. I know there will be a time when I want to be surrounded by friends at all times, but right now I just want to be at home grieving. I do see my my family (lowes&lairs) quite frequently. We are supporting each other every step of the way. Family and friends are great, but my number one supporter is Jesus! He is holding me and that is the only way that I am....ok. Brian trusted Jesus "no matter what" and now it is my turn to follow in his footsteps! As Jesus literally holds Brian's hand, he holds my heart.

Just know that I am ok! It is not easy but the love I experienced with Brian was worth the grief I am feeling now!

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. " Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. [10] That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

peace and love
Shea

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